My Daddy Strongest...

I still remember my kindergarten days when my dad used to take me for a long walk through Panampilly Nagar to my so called school. I often wondered why we often walk while the rest of my class mates came in their own car or an auto. I envied those kids who could buy cartons of Fudgy(its no more in the market) just to get those free GI JOE stickers. My list was endless just like any other kid in the block.But somehow somewhere I felt I lacked something in my life though I was never unhappy. There is a limit to which kids can think deeply and I was no different.

As my dad was a bank officer we kept on moving from one place to another every three years. New friends,new places and experiences kept my life moving. As I grew older, the feeling that I am not treated well as a single kid started eating my head more often.Something or the other issue always happened and my dad was never ready to give up on his stand. Things were worse once I became a teenager and there were days when I believed that I am just an adopted kid!!!!!

The issues were silly and my dad being a short tempered man always ended up in overpowering me with his words.I had no other choice,but to close my door and think of a different idea to somehow convince him and get my things done. When I say of issues,it was more or less related to buying something,be it the latest cycle or an electronic gadget. Though he never got me the things I really wanted,he somehow made sure that he gets at least something similar to that.

All those days I believed he was earning a good package and he was just being a miser saving for the so called future or my future as he said. It was after my 10 th, when he got transferred to a rural place in Malappuram district,he insisted me to go and stay in a boarding school in Cochin or Trichur. I was 16 and it was then when we had our first serious conversation about life and future. He told everything right from his salary,how he is planning to go about my studies and why he is sharing all that with me. Though I never took the conversation seriously at that point of time,I felt on top of the world because I strongly believed my mom has no idea about all this and he has started seeing me in a better position than mom!!!!!!

As a teenager, I was excited about the freedom that I was about to get and the fact that I am free from the clutches of my parents. I started getting regular pocket money every month and made the most out of the freedom they gave me. Two years passed by and I did nothing other than wasting almost his years' CTC with a pathetic result for my 12 th boards. It was then that I realised what kind of a person my dad is. He took me back home and that was one of the longest journey I ever had in my life. Facts and figures which he shared with me before joining kept churning up in my mind and I was feeling completely helpless. He spoke to me again,never mentioning anything about the past two years but asking me how to go about the future and what my plans are. Those were the moments when I hated me the most..

A year passed by in between and I was fortunate enough to get admission in a leading Govt: professional college making me feel proud of myself and everyone around me. During my admission,he told me a few words which I still remember.."I wont be coming back to to your college again.This is your world and you have grown up to decide on what to do and what not to''

As always,I was more curious of the life that's about to come and the abnormally unbelievable freedom that he has given me. College life never left me bored and I had a gala time well above my expectations. I bunked class,boozed,doped and what not,even had to stay in police custody.

It was then again I doubted if I am an adopted child as my dad never took an initiative to let me out of the police case I was into.All he said was "you are old enough to come out of whatever you are into and I am sure you will do it''

Many people still tell me that I am totally different from the ''single child'' that you come across. Though I hated my dad for various reasons in the past,now I know that I am what I am because of him. Now I know why I was taught life the harder way and why I was told to cross the road alone and go to the salon at the age of five!!! Now I know why he didn't support me the way I wanted in times of trouble and why he gave me the complete freedom once I started earning myself. I still wonder how he managed to build up a well settled family of three even though he was forced to take VRS at the age of 53 due to some physical ailments. I wonder how he still manage to walk in the night with his +12.5 powered spectacles. Probably its that will power to live against the will that i need to learn from him..

Now I can feel the difference in the way we talk and the kind of things we share. Recently he told me that I am earning more than what he was earning 10 years back. Though that sounds sweet from a dad, I feel pity for the fact that I haven't done anything for him till date and still needs his support at times of need. Probably its that feeling that he is there with me that keeps me going in life. I am sure,if not all,at least a few might have gone through the same..

Sorry mom,

I love "acha" more than you...

and I am scared... both of u are getting old and is alone over there......

One of the greatest things I like about my work place,my team in particular is the fact that all of us are youngsters,either in the mid 20's or late 20's,nothing beyond that.Though we have a lot of internal conflicts,somehow I still can relate myself to atleast a few of them.We have a daily routine in our office which we follow without fail everyday morning unless there is some data crunching and ass firing meetings!!!

As usual,after the initial round of vicious circle in the office,we all were on our way to the nearest food outlet to grab our breakfast.We had our regulars,a smoke and was on our way back when I came across an old lady who could hardly walk carrying a bag which looked soo heavy for her. The initial dilemma which crops up in my mind when i see someone like her is whether to help or not,if at all i help,will that be a gesture or an insult for her etc etc.Before i could figure out something,one of my colleugues gave her a hand and took the not so heavy bag from her.He took her to one of the apartments as per her instructions.I was a mere onlooker to all this feeling a lot of respect to my colleugue and a lot of disgrace to her care takers who left her alone in the streets,if at all there is some one like that.

The whole scene took my memories to something which happened more than a year back when I was at Hyderabad.I was staying in an apartment all alone,going through a hell of a time,addicted to booze,dope and a huge debt that a 23 year old could never think off.All this made me completely cut off from my acquaintences and I was literally floating in my own world.Keeping aside all that,what I am trying to put up is about an old man who used to spend his time in the verandah below my apartment.He was around 80 years old,his legs were swollen and rotten,suffering from elephantasis and spend his day and night at the same place ironing clothes for the days'bread.I always wondered how he could manage to lift the heavy iron box and i used to over pay him every time i give my clothes.At times I used to see an old lady and a middle aged man coming and giving him lunch and helping him out to deliver the clothes.Though i've never spoken to him,we shared a chemistry which later on made me do some thing which i can never forget in my life.

With the onset of monsoon,his life became more miserable as he could not sleep anymore in the wet verandah.But,he managed to adjust at the same place with some polythene covers and blankets to beat the cold and rains.Its a pathetic scene and there are numerous times when i wanted to do something for him,but felt helpless.In between,i met with a serious accident and was down for a week,succumbed myself within the four walls.Days passed by,myself adjusting with the food delivered at door and the regular shots of alcohol.I was feeling better and was getting ready to join work the subsequent week.But as usual,rains did a major havoc to AP and it was continuously pouring,flooding a major part of the area I was staying.It was then I thought of the oldie once again and I went down in the rains to see his condition.The scene which I saw over there was pathetic. He was a mere dead body,fully drenched and a few people to stare at it as if they were waiting to see it getting decayed. I lost my temper and started blasting at the onlookers making no difference to the scene. Somehow i covered his body with a curtain clothe and tried contacting the public ambulance numbers. The fact that the area was flooded made things worse and I was a mere watch man to his body in the heavy rains for the next two hours. After almost 3hours,an ambulance managed to come and they took away his body to the electric crematorium. Its still a mystery if they took him to the crematorium as I always believed unnatural deaths of anonymous people in the streets has to undergo a post mortem before being cremated.At the same time,i was not ready to take the head ache of being with the body until things were done and he was cremated with due respect.

Yes,it was a "head ache" indeed. And i am sure its a headache for many others around me.At least i am glad that i could do something to someone whose name and where abouts are still unknown.

Things were back to square one for me though this incident was really disturbing me a lot. Whenever i passed by the verandah,I feel bad for not giving him the complete respect,atleast as an old man.After all,he too is some one's dad,brother,husband or grand pa.

I regret now for being a privileged lot, for spoiling myself in the luxuries of life, confused between neccessities & luxury and portraying the issues we face as the worst anyone would face.

"when you face an issue in your life,open your eyes and see around. Then you will realise how lucky you are"