Close,Closer and Closest to the God All Mighty!

It was the first leg of my Holy trail and I was completely unprepared for this one as it came unexpected and much before the scheduled plan. I was slowly recovering from another tiring trip to “GOD’S on country’’ and was not in a position to push myself to Tirupati along with my colleagues. The moment I reached office and before I could park my vehicle in the basement, my boss gave his typical shout from his car, this time thankfully not for any sales figures, but for getting into the car.

Without a second thought, I got into the car as the whole scene happens every time our team goes out for lunch. By the time we reached the first signal, which is around 500 metres from our office I realised that we were on our way to Tirupati. After a hectic 6 hour drive, we were at Tirupati, the foot steps of Tirumala.

Our Hyderabad Branch had arranged for a recommendation letter from the CM’s office for the stay and other things over there. As planned, myself and one of my colleague drove up the hill in our car along with a local fellow while the rest of the team decided to walk the 9km stretch. Finally when I reached the Executive Officer’s (EO) office, I was a bit startled by the arrangements and the kind of “war of the words” happening there. In fact, I was feeling inferior as the rest of the people standing over there had recommendations from PM’s office, CJI etc. And for a moment, the so called EO looked like Hitler to me. Finally after almost an hour, I could squeeze in to his room and show the letter. The moment he saw it, he asked for the original copy which was at our Hyderabad branch. I was expecting a negative answer from him as there were many before me who went back with out any stay even with the so called recommendation from a VVIP.

But ultimately, it was our responsibility to arrange makhan to my teammates who will be arriving on top of the hill after a hectic climb. For me it was more of a Kapda, Khana & makhan issue as I was completely in my formals without anything to change. The local fellow who accompanied us tried his best through some of his contacts though everything was in vain. I was feeling more agitated seeing the whole issue as we could see lots of vacant cottages all around us and the way the whole place is commercialised and how badly the people with out any kind of recommendations were treated. Finally by around midnight, we managed to arrange 3 rooms in a Brahmin guest house, which again was just for 7 hours.

Things went on smoothly there after and a few dramas happened in between where I misplaced my wallet and blocked all my cards doubting if I lost it. But the funniest part of all was when the whole team shaved our head!!!!! Then there was the biggest shock of my lifetime, darsan according to your wallet power, which I never expected out of a holy place like Tirupati. Though I have heard people saying about this special darsan and all, seeing was always different from hearing. I felt really bad of the whole scene as many people were standing in the queue for long hours while people like me had a nice, easy and fast special darsan shelling out an extra 300 bucks. To be very frank I even thought of dropping the idea of having a darsan seeing the discrimination over there. End of the show was not that bad as the main deity was indeed special and rejuvenating. Hopefully things would change for the good for me and probably not for umpteen aam admi who don’t have an extra 50/300 bucks to shell out. Wish we could at least save our Gods, holy places and the rituals from the commercialisation, globalisation or whatever you call it.

I am not an atheist, but whatever it may be the reason, I don’t think it’s fair to discriminate people in a holy place like Tirupati, that too in a country like India where in religion is more of a mass hysteria than belief!!!!

My Daddy Strongest...

I still remember my kindergarten days when my dad used to take me for a long walk through Panampilly Nagar to my so called school. I often wondered why we often walk while the rest of my class mates came in their own car or an auto. I envied those kids who could buy cartons of Fudgy(its no more in the market) just to get those free GI JOE stickers. My list was endless just like any other kid in the block.But somehow somewhere I felt I lacked something in my life though I was never unhappy. There is a limit to which kids can think deeply and I was no different.

As my dad was a bank officer we kept on moving from one place to another every three years. New friends,new places and experiences kept my life moving. As I grew older, the feeling that I am not treated well as a single kid started eating my head more often.Something or the other issue always happened and my dad was never ready to give up on his stand. Things were worse once I became a teenager and there were days when I believed that I am just an adopted kid!!!!!

The issues were silly and my dad being a short tempered man always ended up in overpowering me with his words.I had no other choice,but to close my door and think of a different idea to somehow convince him and get my things done. When I say of issues,it was more or less related to buying something,be it the latest cycle or an electronic gadget. Though he never got me the things I really wanted,he somehow made sure that he gets at least something similar to that.

All those days I believed he was earning a good package and he was just being a miser saving for the so called future or my future as he said. It was after my 10 th, when he got transferred to a rural place in Malappuram district,he insisted me to go and stay in a boarding school in Cochin or Trichur. I was 16 and it was then when we had our first serious conversation about life and future. He told everything right from his salary,how he is planning to go about my studies and why he is sharing all that with me. Though I never took the conversation seriously at that point of time,I felt on top of the world because I strongly believed my mom has no idea about all this and he has started seeing me in a better position than mom!!!!!!

As a teenager, I was excited about the freedom that I was about to get and the fact that I am free from the clutches of my parents. I started getting regular pocket money every month and made the most out of the freedom they gave me. Two years passed by and I did nothing other than wasting almost his years' CTC with a pathetic result for my 12 th boards. It was then that I realised what kind of a person my dad is. He took me back home and that was one of the longest journey I ever had in my life. Facts and figures which he shared with me before joining kept churning up in my mind and I was feeling completely helpless. He spoke to me again,never mentioning anything about the past two years but asking me how to go about the future and what my plans are. Those were the moments when I hated me the most..

A year passed by in between and I was fortunate enough to get admission in a leading Govt: professional college making me feel proud of myself and everyone around me. During my admission,he told me a few words which I still remember.."I wont be coming back to to your college again.This is your world and you have grown up to decide on what to do and what not to''

As always,I was more curious of the life that's about to come and the abnormally unbelievable freedom that he has given me. College life never left me bored and I had a gala time well above my expectations. I bunked class,boozed,doped and what not,even had to stay in police custody.

It was then again I doubted if I am an adopted child as my dad never took an initiative to let me out of the police case I was into.All he said was "you are old enough to come out of whatever you are into and I am sure you will do it''

Many people still tell me that I am totally different from the ''single child'' that you come across. Though I hated my dad for various reasons in the past,now I know that I am what I am because of him. Now I know why I was taught life the harder way and why I was told to cross the road alone and go to the salon at the age of five!!! Now I know why he didn't support me the way I wanted in times of trouble and why he gave me the complete freedom once I started earning myself. I still wonder how he managed to build up a well settled family of three even though he was forced to take VRS at the age of 53 due to some physical ailments. I wonder how he still manage to walk in the night with his +12.5 powered spectacles. Probably its that will power to live against the will that i need to learn from him..

Now I can feel the difference in the way we talk and the kind of things we share. Recently he told me that I am earning more than what he was earning 10 years back. Though that sounds sweet from a dad, I feel pity for the fact that I haven't done anything for him till date and still needs his support at times of need. Probably its that feeling that he is there with me that keeps me going in life. I am sure,if not all,at least a few might have gone through the same..

Sorry mom,

I love "acha" more than you...

and I am scared... both of u are getting old and is alone over there......

One of the greatest things I like about my work place,my team in particular is the fact that all of us are youngsters,either in the mid 20's or late 20's,nothing beyond that.Though we have a lot of internal conflicts,somehow I still can relate myself to atleast a few of them.We have a daily routine in our office which we follow without fail everyday morning unless there is some data crunching and ass firing meetings!!!

As usual,after the initial round of vicious circle in the office,we all were on our way to the nearest food outlet to grab our breakfast.We had our regulars,a smoke and was on our way back when I came across an old lady who could hardly walk carrying a bag which looked soo heavy for her. The initial dilemma which crops up in my mind when i see someone like her is whether to help or not,if at all i help,will that be a gesture or an insult for her etc etc.Before i could figure out something,one of my colleugues gave her a hand and took the not so heavy bag from her.He took her to one of the apartments as per her instructions.I was a mere onlooker to all this feeling a lot of respect to my colleugue and a lot of disgrace to her care takers who left her alone in the streets,if at all there is some one like that.

The whole scene took my memories to something which happened more than a year back when I was at Hyderabad.I was staying in an apartment all alone,going through a hell of a time,addicted to booze,dope and a huge debt that a 23 year old could never think off.All this made me completely cut off from my acquaintences and I was literally floating in my own world.Keeping aside all that,what I am trying to put up is about an old man who used to spend his time in the verandah below my apartment.He was around 80 years old,his legs were swollen and rotten,suffering from elephantasis and spend his day and night at the same place ironing clothes for the days'bread.I always wondered how he could manage to lift the heavy iron box and i used to over pay him every time i give my clothes.At times I used to see an old lady and a middle aged man coming and giving him lunch and helping him out to deliver the clothes.Though i've never spoken to him,we shared a chemistry which later on made me do some thing which i can never forget in my life.

With the onset of monsoon,his life became more miserable as he could not sleep anymore in the wet verandah.But,he managed to adjust at the same place with some polythene covers and blankets to beat the cold and rains.Its a pathetic scene and there are numerous times when i wanted to do something for him,but felt helpless.In between,i met with a serious accident and was down for a week,succumbed myself within the four walls.Days passed by,myself adjusting with the food delivered at door and the regular shots of alcohol.I was feeling better and was getting ready to join work the subsequent week.But as usual,rains did a major havoc to AP and it was continuously pouring,flooding a major part of the area I was staying.It was then I thought of the oldie once again and I went down in the rains to see his condition.The scene which I saw over there was pathetic. He was a mere dead body,fully drenched and a few people to stare at it as if they were waiting to see it getting decayed. I lost my temper and started blasting at the onlookers making no difference to the scene. Somehow i covered his body with a curtain clothe and tried contacting the public ambulance numbers. The fact that the area was flooded made things worse and I was a mere watch man to his body in the heavy rains for the next two hours. After almost 3hours,an ambulance managed to come and they took away his body to the electric crematorium. Its still a mystery if they took him to the crematorium as I always believed unnatural deaths of anonymous people in the streets has to undergo a post mortem before being cremated.At the same time,i was not ready to take the head ache of being with the body until things were done and he was cremated with due respect.

Yes,it was a "head ache" indeed. And i am sure its a headache for many others around me.At least i am glad that i could do something to someone whose name and where abouts are still unknown.

Things were back to square one for me though this incident was really disturbing me a lot. Whenever i passed by the verandah,I feel bad for not giving him the complete respect,atleast as an old man.After all,he too is some one's dad,brother,husband or grand pa.

I regret now for being a privileged lot, for spoiling myself in the luxuries of life, confused between neccessities & luxury and portraying the issues we face as the worst anyone would face.

"when you face an issue in your life,open your eyes and see around. Then you will realise how lucky you are"

Gen Y with an Extra Gene!!!!!!

Right from my school days, I am amazed by the kind of difference I have with my fellow gens. Be it my juniors, my cousins or anyone,some or other things always startle me. Recently I came across something which I thought will scribble down somewhere as I have finally decided to transfer the thoughts within my pandora's box on to the keyboard!!!

Scene1: 6/10/09:

It was a bright day for me as i could speak to someone in the morning after a long time.That somehow gave me an inner energy to be charged until dusk.i was on my way to electronic city to meet few of my clients and as usual,i dropped into my favourite tamil brahmin outlet at koramangala 5th block.once i started having,a few guys or rather kids dropped into the restau&sat at the table beside me.they took the attention of each and every person sitting there,not because they had mirror cracking looks,but as any bangalorean knows it,they are not supposed to be there!!And they never dissappointed the crowd.Things started off with a loud "fuck you",but again no one is really bothered to turn their head to that particular word as its really strange if they dont use it once in two sentences.Then began the real conversation once they ordered their dosas n stuffs.I could clearly listen to what they were telling as my table was right next to them.It was all kicked off by one of those kids who himself started off his version portraying someone as bitch.Again it didnt bother me much as its a "respectful" word for our generation.But the second kid joined him by saying something about some "bastard".Bitches and bastards continued to fill up the silent restau and then i decided to sharpen my ears earning to hear something spicy.But alas!!They were all telling about their own parents and not some one else.Now that sounded strange to me.Strange enough to actually wind up my food&leave that place asap.I thought of telling something to them,but it would be a mere waste of advice from me and another "fuck you" session for them.

Scene2 16/10/09:

It was diwali holidays coming up and i was waiting for my bus to come.The fact that i was a heavy boozer and the long break with out even a single shot of alcohol took myself and my roomies to the nearest bar.They left early and I was waiting at the waiting lounge.Right next to me was this young girlsitting and head banging herself completely unaltered by the people around.Again,as bangalorised as she was,noone around was bothered except me as she kept banging on to my arm rest which was causing too much of a hindrance to my power naps.Then it went beyond a point that i decided to plug myselves with my list of bryans&james!The fact that i went completely into the songs, later resulting into some unseen,insane&unbearable texts is a different story which is worth scribbling later.But,coming back to the girl,she was quite interested in peeping into my playlist as and when i turned my screen on.Till then,i didnt know what kind of gadget that "wanna b tomboy" had pushed into her back pockets.Then came the real shock,an 8gb ipod in the back pocket,that too the typical girly pink.I felt a bit out of fashion for a moment when she took it and flashed it infront of me.Our banging sessions continued for almost an hour as the bus was late by almost 3hours!In between i squeezed myself out of the lounge to get some fresh air.It was freezing cold outside and I ended up with my banging partner in less than 5mins.Things went on&on,all of a sudden I heard "The Show" being played somewhere,which I'd never heard in any public place before other than in VH1.There again this girl shocked me with another gadget coming out of her front pocket,an I-PHONE!!For a moment,i doubted if she is Indra Nooyi's daughter on her way to kerala for a vaccation.Me,sitting in a normal waiting lounge with Nooyi's daughter?No,never,probably the whisky has hit hard on me.But i coudnt come out of the shock this girl kept on giving me every now and then.I was forced to run my eyes through her outfits to find out the brands she was wearing,but the mission was a failure.Now,i knew she is gonna give the next surprise soon and she did in the next 30mins.A Honda CRV came and parked infront of the place an a sid(wake up sid)look alike got out of it with a lot of travel gear.He came upto her and hugged her,she still clinging on to her chair,not bothering to get up but made sure she gav a peck on his lips.Again,this was not a shock to anybody around except an old mallu lady who had probably come to bangalore to meet her kids.I was ready to give my seat to sid as i coudnt take anything more at that moment.But like a seasoned traveller,he took the seat behind me.As the bus was getting late,the travel agent provided everyone with some softdrinks.As i was not really bothered about the brand of soft drink i've,i kept sipping whatever he gave me.Suddenly i realised that our tom boy girl had deplugged her self and was starring at me as if she found her lost brother.As soon as i turned to her,she said she doesn like fanta and that she have only coke!!Just then i realised that i was having coke.Before i could offer my bottle to her,the bus came and we all boarded in no time.There she comes again to me in the bus asking for the same bottle.Infact i left the bottle at the lounge and then she gave me a scary look which made me feel like i am a culprit.Anyways both sid&tomboy took the seat just infront of me.It was a semi sleeper and everyone could see whats going on in the front seats.Everyone squeezed themselves into the blanket as it was way past 1am in the morning.But our kids took the next shock out,a MAC BOOK!Then i doubted again about their roots,this time shifting myself from pepsi to apple.I couldt take it anymore and was trying to get some sleep.It was then our tomboy shook me up&gave me the final shock with her questions,"Are u a frequent traveller to cochin,How far is fort cochin from mg road,thats the last stop?we are actually on our way to spend our vaccation at cochin and alleppey,hows the climate there now?"I was forced to ask her what she was upto and then came the reply,"pre university,st.josephs'college"..aaah,that gave me a sound 8hour sleep!!!